October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, so I’d like to share the following with you:
Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the
problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when
the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging
the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. No one
should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or
someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse,
reach out. There is help available.
Recognizing the
warning signs of domestic violence and abuse:
It's impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind
closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of emotional abuse
and domestic violence. If you witness any warning signs of abuse in a friend,
family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously.
People who are being
abused may:
- Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner.
- Go along with everything their partner says and does.
- Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing.
- Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner.
- Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness.
Warning signs of physical violence:
People who are being physically
abused may:
- Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents.”
- Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation.
- Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors).
Warning signs of
isolation:
People who are being isolated by
their abuser may:
- Be restricted from seeing family and friends.
- Rarely go out in public without their partner.
- Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car.
The psychological
warning signs of abuse
People who are being abused may:
- Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident.
- Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn).
- Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal.
If you suspect that someone you
know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s
none of your business, you might be wrong, or the person might not want to talk
about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know
that you care and may even save his or her life.
Do:
- Ask if something is wrong.
- Express concern.
- Listen and validate.
- Offer help.
- Support his or her decisions.
Don’t:
- Wait for him or her to come to you.
- Judge or blame.
- Pressure him or her.
- Give advice.
- Place conditions on your support.
Remember, abusers are very good at
controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally
abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They
need help to get out, yet they’ve often been isolated from their family and
friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help
them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.
--
Cheryl DePaolo
Director, Ulster Prevention Council
85 Grand St.
Kingston, NY 12401
Voice: 845-458-7406
Fax: 845-458-7407
Cell: 845-392-4714
Email: cdepaolo@familyservicesny.org
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